Shigatsu Wa Boku No Uso: Finding A New Love
It's wonderful to be devoted to someone
or something heart and soul. There's nothing more affirming to your
choices than having your passion be rekindled anew with even a
sidelong glance at the object of your affection. For me, one of my
passions for ages has been the GT-R but even the strongest adoration
can be undermined by recurring problems and the long, drawn-out saga
of my Nismo R32 has finally made me come to a decision:
It's time to abandon ship.
Yep, I've decided I've had it with the
complexity and mind-blowing performance of GT-Rs as well as the
ensuing expenses. Instead I'm embracing the joy of simplicity and
sold my Nissans in favor of this:
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Me and my new American soulmate. |
American car companies have long been
geniuses at making small cars and what better example than this, a
Plymouth Horizon! It produces a space-time-altering 94 horsepower on
days that don't end in Y or whenever the ancient spirits of evil transform its decayed form, whichever comes first. On every other day it has 0.2 horsepower
when I get out and push.
It's front-wheel drive so it's just like the Nissan GT-R LM Nismo. It's even red like that immensely successful race car!
It's got powered windows and mirrors.
Hand-powered, but powered nonetheless. The AC works - when I leave
the powered windows open, which is most of the time since the glass
doesn't want to stay in the tracks. Minor issues.
But the best part is it only cost me a
pair of Pokemon playing cards I stole from one of the neighbor kids.
And most of my maintenance supplies can be shoplifted...ahem, I mean,
bought...from Dollar Tree. Tires? They're so small I'm sure Harbor
Freight has some wheelbarrow stuff I can use.
I'll have to cut this short because I
have to jump start it so I can head out to my hearing at bankruptcy
court. I need to find the screwdriver for the ignition too.
Oh, and I'm naming her “Uso”, which
is Japanese for “She-who-is-swift-as-the-south-wind and
steadfast-as-Mt.Fuji” or something like that.
Good April Fool's Day post.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it lol. Hopefully your trip's going well!
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