Shigatsu Wa Boku No Uso: Finding A New Love

It's wonderful to be devoted to someone or something heart and soul. There's nothing more affirming to your choices than having your passion be rekindled anew with even a sidelong glance at the object of your affection. For me, one of my passions for ages has been the GT-R but even the strongest adoration can be undermined by recurring problems and the long, drawn-out saga of my Nismo R32 has finally made me come to a decision:

It's time to abandon ship.

Yep, I've decided I've had it with the complexity and mind-blowing performance of GT-Rs as well as the ensuing expenses. Instead I'm embracing the joy of simplicity and sold my Nissans in favor of this:

Me and my new American soulmate.

American car companies have long been geniuses at making small cars and what better example than this, a Plymouth Horizon! It produces a space-time-altering 94 horsepower on days that don't end in Y or whenever the ancient spirits of evil transform its decayed form, whichever comes first. On every other day it has 0.2 horsepower when I get out and push. 

It's front-wheel drive so it's just like the Nissan GT-R LM Nismo. It's even red like that immensely successful race car!

It's got powered windows and mirrors. Hand-powered, but powered nonetheless. The AC works - when I leave the powered windows open, which is most of the time since the glass doesn't want to stay in the tracks. Minor issues.

But the best part is it only cost me a pair of Pokemon playing cards I stole from one of the neighbor kids. And most of my maintenance supplies can be shoplifted...ahem, I mean, bought...from Dollar Tree. Tires? They're so small I'm sure Harbor Freight has some wheelbarrow stuff I can use.

I'll have to cut this short because I have to jump start it so I can head out to my hearing at bankruptcy court. I need to find the screwdriver for the ignition too.

Oh, and I'm naming her “Uso”, which is Japanese for “She-who-is-swift-as-the-south-wind and steadfast-as-Mt.Fuji” or something like that.